I’m not Scared of Anything

I’m not scared of the sight of blood, mine or yours

deep wounds in flesh with bone shining through

emergency

riding at breakneck speeds

broken bones

tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires

critical conditions

snake bites

disease

ambulances

hospitalization

being cut open while lying unconscious and paralyzed on the operating table

walking a line drawn in the sands between Awake and Death

Death doesn’t frighten me at all

it’s a familiar face

the fraternal twin of Loss

And Loss has been my dancing partner for years

Before I could walk, I stood on her feet and learned the steps until I was executing the dance on my own two feet

every absence

every leaving

every death

I know these by heart

how to walk through each one and arrive on the other side with my own feet

But you

You terrify me

delight me

you are nothing I’ve ever felt before

I’m not scared of anything but I’m absolutely terrified that you aren’t really real

and if you are

I’m paralyzed waiting for the other shoe to drop

I’m paralyzed anticipating Loss’s arrival

 

 

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